Our Last First Kiss KOBO Read online

  She swallowed, hard, aware she was stalling like mad. “About Alec…”

  Audra pointed a finger at her, gun-pantomime style. “‘Thinkin’ Bout You,’ Frank Ocean.”

  Their game, the one that identified the right song for the precise moment. But if Lilly recalled, that song was about some guy mooning over a lover—or an ex-lover? In any case, it didn’t work in this case. “I’m not pining over Alec,” she said. “It’s just that…well…”

  Audra just stared at her, unblinking.

  Her friend’s pale blue eyes acted like interrogation lights and Lilly found herself babbling her confession. First, that he and his family were also staying at the resort. Next, that she’d found herself in his company more than once.

  “He throws me off-course,” she told Audra. “I say I’m not going to be around him then he’s around and we’re talking and it’s fun and he seems like a nice guy, which is definitely all wrong for me.”

  Audra raised her brows. “Why’s a nice guy all wrong for you?”

  “Because…” Shaking her head, Lilly thought of that devastating kiss he’d laid on her, the way her pulse stumbled whenever he was near, the fact that he could recite the size of a blue whale’s penis from memory and the wicked glint in his eye as he’d shared the fact. “Because I sense he’s really not just ‘nice.’ There are depths there—”

  “You have depths too.”

  “Exactly why I don’t want to be involved with him. We might drown each other.”

  For a moment, something sparked to life in Audra’s eyes. “Has involvement been mentioned?”

  “Only in that we both don’t want a relationship. But, God, that doesn’t seem to stop—” She forced herself to take a breath, still bewildered by her over-the-top response to him. “Okay, the deal is, he’s hawt too and for some reason that’s messing me up.”

  “Oh, dear—”

  “But I’ll talk to him anyway,” Lilly hastened to say. She was supposed to be helping her friend, wasn’t she? “I’ll get what info I can about Jacob.”

  “Then you’ll go back to avoiding Alec but failing?”

  Before Lilly could respond with more than a grimace, Audra added two more cents. “Why don’t you stop fighting it and go get some regrets instead? For God’s sake, one of us should.”

  “I can’t believe you talked me into this,” Alec said to his second cousin Jessie Hathaway, Kane’s sister.

  “What are you talking about?” she replied, with all the enthusiasm of someone twenty-five and carelessly beautiful. “This is total fun.”

  She was a beachy looking honey blonde with long straight hair and legs to match. Not that Alec could see much of her looks at the moment, since they stood in complete blackness, the only illumination coming from the glow-in-the-dark coasters set on the tall table they were bellied up to and the neon ring Jessie wore on her head like a crown.

  Upon entry to this standalone banquet facility tucked into the resort’s rear grounds, all cell phones were checked like coats. Then women were given the plastic head pieces. Men were not. Alec didn’t know the motivation for the gender distinction—females were identifiable to eliminate an excuse for “accidental” groping by his bad-mannered brethren? Because the organizers knew any self-respecting guy wouldn’t walk around with a neon halo on his head?

  “A pop-up bar,” he grumbled now, wondering how he was supposed to get another beer when he could barely see five inches in front of him. Around the room were more tables and more people, shadows against shadows. They’d found a space in a corner, so there were walls on two sides of him. “Who likes to put the unexpected into their drinking?”

  Jessie laughed. He saw her hand reach toward her wineglass. Opting for safety, Alec kept his bottle of craft brew in his fist. “I told you it’s a fundraiser.”

  “For?”

  “A group that provides eye exams and necessary treatment, from surgery to glasses, for needy kids.”

  He grunted. “Sort of makes sense then, the blackout.”

  “That’s the idea. They’ve talked about trying a dining experience next year.”

  Alec frowned. “Don’t count me in. I can’t imagine trying to feed myself in the dark.”

  She nudged him with her elbow. “You’re such a stick-in-the-mud. When did my Thatcher cousin become so unadventurous?”

  He told himself he wasn’t offended. His siblings had always been the family free spirits and it had never bothered him. His younger sister Joanna—Jojo—had the corner on impetuousness, which is why she’d foolishly married a guy only out to get a green card and now was recovering from a nasty divorce. As for this brother…

  “I was never adventurous. Simon’s the one who—”

  “Not just Simon,” Jessie said, interrupting Alec. “You weren’t always so risk-averse, I’m telling you. I remember it was you who came up with the impromptu Sled Olympics that winter vacation in Big Bear.”

  “Yeah, and I recall I injured myself.”

  “Only your pride, silly,” Jessie said, laughing again. “When you landed on your ass in that huge snowdrift.”

  Alec found himself laughing with her, remembering the shocking cold and the raucous glee of his siblings and cousins. “Then Simon took off too soon and landed on top of me.” The pleasure of the memory felt good. Too often thinking of the past shrouded him in a heavy gloom. Which was why he kept most of his reminiscing at bay by spending long hours at the office, occupying himself with paperwork and number-crunching.

  I think we all retreated to our preferred refuges.

  Unwilling to consider it, Alec turned his focus to his younger cousin. “So, what’s new in your life, Messy Jessie?”

  He couldn’t see her glare but he could definitely feel it. “You know I hate that nickname.”

  Aware it would further her wrath, he suppressed the urge to chuck her beneath the chin. “I suppose you’ve come a long way from mud pies.”

  “I’m a hospitality professional,” she said, with exaggerated dignity.

  “One who used to make desserts out of wet dirt and sleep with a duck.”

  “That was only for three days!”

  “Until your mom found out.” Alec smirked. “You’d still be snoozing with Quacky if you could get away with it.”

  “Speaking of sleeping…” Her hair fanned out and she seemed to be taking in the other bar patrons. “I should circulate. Maybe meet someone I’m not related to who I find attractive enough to take home with me.”

  Alarmed, Alec glanced around the room. “You can’t see well enough to pick any of these guys out of a lineup.”

  He sensed the roll of her eyes. “I’m not planning on finding a criminal.”

  “Jessie.” Alec tried telling himself she was an adult. “Take my advice and be very careful.”

  Her hand found his cheek, patted. “Of course I will. But maybe you should take my advice too. Do something spontaneous. Shut down that brain of yours, get out of this corner, and let go a little.”

  Without another word or warning, his cousin moved away, disappearing into the darkness.

  It took fifteen seconds for Alec’s protective instincts to kick in, because that brain she’d encouraged him to shut down went into overdrive instead, conjuring up storylines straight out of a season of Law & Order SVU. “Fuck,” he muttered, setting his beer bottle on an illuminated coaster. He wasn’t going to be easy unless he had the younger woman in his sights.

  Wandering the room presented difficulties. Not just because of the darkness, but the space had filled up so he kept being forced to dodge men who materialized at the last minute in front of him. Maybe they all should have worn the glowing crowns, he thought, or skipped this ordeal altogether. To him, it seemed a particularly stupid way to socialize.

  At the door, the person to whom he’d paid the cover charge had babbled something about the lack of light allowing patrons to better appreciate the nuances of the beers and wine on offer. Yeah, right. From the sounds of this crowd,
they were using the darkness as an excuse to engage in some very well-oiled merrymaking all in preparation for some vigorous, near-anonymous boinking.

  Christ, Alec thought, coming to such an abrupt halt that the person at his back crashed into him, causing him to grab a nearby table to maintain his balance. I do sound like an old fogey.

  He had nothing against vigorous, near-anonymous boinking. As a matter of fact, in the past, it was the kind of boinking he’d enthusiastically engaged in.

  A hand tugged at the tail of his shirt. “Alec?”

  He glanced over his shoulder. A neon-red ring cast a rosy tone to platinum hair. “Tina?” he said, turning carefully in the crowded space to face her.

  “I didn’t know you’d be here,” she said.

  “No. Well…” Since her arrival, he’d taken pains to put distance between them. Though they’d been exclusive at the time they’d dated, it had been easy to let the relationship go as he was consumed by other, much more pressing concerns. When he’d finally managed to poke his head up again, he’d not even been the slightest bit tempted to call her. He cleared his throat. “Hope you’re having fun during Mom and Dad’s celebration. It was good of you to join in.”

  “When my parents said they were booking at The Hathaway for the anniversary week, I rearranged my schedule in order to be here. I work for myself now, so that was easy.”

  “Great.” She was an interior designer, and five years before already had been accruing positive word of mouth.

  “We used to have such fun times,” she said now, a wistful tone to her voice.

  He couldn’t clearly make out the expression on her face, so he wasn’t sure exactly how she meant that. “You’ve been able to catch up with Kane and Jessie and Amber?” In their growing-up years, Tina’s family had joined the Hathaways and the Thatchers on many occasions for barbecues and snow weekends.

  “I’ve spoken with them, but those fun times I mentioned were the ones I had with you.” Her hand found his.

  Now he was glad for the darkness because it could hide his dismay. Rehashing what they’d had so long ago was as unnecessary as it was uncomfortable. Without addressing her directly, he disengaged their fingers. “I’m looking for Jessie,” he said. “We came together to this thing and I feel responsible for her.”

  “Oh,” Tina said. “I can help there. As I was arriving, she was departing.”

  “Alone?”

  “She was with a couple of other women who seemed to be friends of hers. They were talking about heading to the sauna.”

  “Ah.” His purpose evaporated, he considered what excuse he could make next. “I’ve got to—”

  “I’ve been wanting to say a few things.” Tina’s words rushed out as she groped for his hand again, squeezed. “Get some closure on what happened with us before, and then…well…”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’m aware I sort of…dropped away when you needed me. It wasn’t very mature, of course, and I regret that I couldn’t have been a help to you and your family at that time.”

  That time. The past. That heavy shroud materialized, hovering like a threat. He mentally shoved it away. “Tina, this isn’t a conversation we need to have.”

  “No, I truly need to apologize.” Another squeeze of his fingers. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

  Ill-at-ease, he pulled free of her again and slipped his hands into his pockets. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

  “Please. Accept my apology.”

  Christ. “All right. Apology accepted. Now if you’ll ex—”

  “I thought we could try again.”

  He went still. Huh? “Tina…”

  “It was good before, wasn’t it? I haven’t forgotten how good. I’d like us to—well, not start over, but carry on, carry forward into a real future.”

  Oh, what fresh hell, he thought, grimacing. How best to handle this? She was an old friend. Their parents were still close. But he’d dated her in his mid-twenties and he hadn’t been anywhere close to serious about her then. For her to ambush him now with talk of a “real future” was unthinkable.

  Clearing his throat, he tried for diplomacy, despite feeling boxed-in and resenting it like hell. “Tina, that’s a really uh, flattering offer. But it’s not, I’m not…”

  “What are you saying?” The note of disbelief in her voice just pissed him off.

  “I’m saying no.”

  The ensuing silence was loaded. Fuck.

  Then she finally sighed. “I worried this might have happened. For the last five years I’ve heard things about you, you know. People have kept me informed.”

  Truly puzzled, Alec frowned. “Informed of what?”

  “That you have a reputation for…going through women.”

  Alec stiffened.

  “I hope the way I left you isn’t the reason you turned to that.”

  She hadn’t “left” him. Consumed by other matters, he’d quit calling her. End of story. And the women he’d been with since then knew the score. They didn’t consider themselves having been “gone through” or taken advantage of in any way.

  “Truly,” Tina continued. “I’d feel terrible if that breakup was the cause of this habit of yours.”

  What the hell? “What habit?”

  “Your addiction. Your addiction to, um, superficial connections. I hope that wasn’t because of me, of the way I stopped seeing you.”

  Addiction? Alec put a tight hold on his temper. And she thought she’d stopped seeing him? The truth was, he’d never once thought of her, not after that devastating phone call that had changed his family’s lives. Not for months and months, anyway, and by then she was part of the before when he and his family were struggling with carrying on into the after.

  As bar-goers shifted around them, he shoved a hand through his hair and wondered if there was a graceful way to end this conversation and if he felt like being graceful at all. “Look, Tina…”

  A body brushed past him and a familiar, feminine scent tickled his nose. Without thinking, his hand reached out and he snatched the warm arm of someone passing by.

  The someone squeaked as he reeled her closer and relief and pleasure twined inside him. “Lilly. I’ve been looking for you.”

  From his other side, Tina piped up. “I thought you were looking for Jessie.”

  “And Lilly,” he said, lying like a rug. “We have something important to discuss.” Already he was moving away, so that she couldn’t contradict him in front of the other woman.

  “As a matter of fact, we do need to talk,” Lilly said, obligingly following him through the crowd. “I was actually looking for you.”

  “Yeah?” There was a huge jam at the exit, so he turned around and headed for the rear in hopes of finding another. It was slow going, because they had to wind their way around knots and pairs and the occasional singleton who stood unhelpfully like a boulder in a stream.

  Alec cursed beneath his breath and yanked Lilly closer, wrapping his arm around her shoulders to make them one unit.

  “You’re in a bad mood,” she observed.

  “You would be too,” he said grimly. It was unclear if a back door was actually open, and then he remembered that the cell phones were at the front so on a sigh he turned around again.

  After a few minutes he found himself unable to make any forward progress at all, and he took a stand against the nearest wall, planting his feet with a frustrated sigh. “Fuck this shit.”

  “Let’s make that a really bad mood.” Lilly’s glow-in-the dark crown was a soft white that illuminated her face like a portrait captured by a photographer. Every eyelash cast a delicate shadow on her cheeks and his attention was inexorably drawn to her mouth, a tantalizing pink even in the low light. “What happened?”

  He lowered his voice. “Tina happened.”

  “Tina happened how?”

  “First, she essentially called me a womanizer,” he admitted, and it still stung.

  “You said yo
u used to date her.”

  “Right. Five years ago. Then…things happened that didn’t make that a priority and I let it go.”

  “Let her go.”

  “I guess, though I think—I thought it was mutual. But now she’s says she wants a do-over.”

  “Oh.”

  “And I don’t,” he hastened to say. “But I also don’t think she’s used to rejection.”

  “Likely not.” Lilly seemed to ponder that. “Is that when she called you a womanizer?”

  “And worse,” he said, indignation spiking. “She hinted I’m a sex addict.”

  Lilly started to laugh. “I’m sorry,” she said when he just stared at her. “But you can’t take that seriously. She’s a beautiful woman who wants you, a beautiful woman who’s not used to hearing the word no.”

  “I suppose.” Alec clipped out the words.

  “Don’t you see? You’ve been with other women, but then along comes lovely Tina to save you from all that normal, male-in-his-prime behavior. When you so easily refuse her offer she can only conclude you must have some sort of mental disease or defect.”

  As Lilly continued to chuckle, Alec felt his temper cool. Drawing nearer, he cupped her cheek in his palm. “What you’re saying is I’m an idiot for letting her get to me.”

  “Her ego,” Lilly suggested.

  “I’m an idiot for letting her ego get to me.”

  He was close enough to see the corners of her mouth tip up in a smile. “An idiot but not a sex addict.”

  Staring at her lips and breathing in her particular, pleasing scent, he wasn’t so sure of that. Because he was ravenous to kiss her again, to inhale her taste, to have her body molded to his. “Lilly,” he murmured.

  Yeah, he wanted another kiss and more, despite all their reservations and those walls of hers that could seem impenetrable. Her small fingers wrapped around his wrist but they weren’t trying to push him away, they were holding him in place.

  “Lilly,” he whispered again, that naughty name of hers such a delight in his mouth. He leaned down and—

  Pop! An explosive noise penetrated the walls of the building. A woman screamed. A second did the same. In the next moment everyone went still and then in another it was pandemonium as people started moving. Glass hit the ground, bottles and wineglasses crashing to the floor as people bumped into tables and into each other in their haste to flee in the dark from the unknown threat.